why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
