i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
