hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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