WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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