no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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