I met the friendliest cop last night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize