Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
