So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
