i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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