i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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