If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
