life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
birth control should be required to get into college
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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