We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
