Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
