is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
