Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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