We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
be right there i have to get my cape
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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