Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
