Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
