then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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