Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
