I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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