By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
