At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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