hotel room ftw
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
