The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
