why didn't you poke me back
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize