I wish my penis had an off switch
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
