I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
