Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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