Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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