where does the pee come out of this thing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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