i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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