My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
