So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
