I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
