he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
