I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
