90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
