Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
