lets start a swedish sibling band together
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
