I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
