TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
