Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
