So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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