Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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