I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
