i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
