i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
