Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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