the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
