We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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