My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
