i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
