i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
