At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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