the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
