not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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