Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
