wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
