I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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