Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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